Mansion by NF ft. Fleurie

Today we are going to be diving in the song Mansion by the artist NF. NF is a stage name for a young man named Nathan Feuerstein.  Nathan is an American rapper, who took the industry by surprise in 2015 when he dropped his first full album with Capitol CMG. While it wasn’t his first go about with music it is the one up to that point that got him the most attention. Acting as a springboard for a musical career that didn’t only change him, but also his fans. Mansion (the 2015 album) was the start of a story that would continue to be discovered over the course of his newest albums. The title song “Mansion” is an eerie, unsettling, mysterious song that starts the story off leaving fans wanting more. Lyrically NF is always raw and honest, musically he is creative, innovative, and intentional. I would go as far as to say he is a musical genius, although we won’t see that side of his work in this song today. 

Fleurie joins NF by singing the chorus. I’ll start here by saying, he couldn’t have gotten a better vocalist for the style and feel he wanted. While I don’t know much about Fleurie her self or her musical career, she nails this chorus every time she sings it. 

That being said lets dive right intoMansion. 

” Insidious is blind inception/” First the vocals in this section are amazing! Fleurie sings these lines with a breathy almost pained voice. Every word is sung with intention; and simple piano accompaniment is present in the background. Looking at the lyrics, things are not so simple.

This first line is interesting, and a bit confusing (at least from a grammatical point of view.) “Insidious” is a word that essentially means subtly and with harmful effects. It is a word that could be used to describe a sickness that doesn’t present its self with a lot of symptoms but is still very dangerous. “Inception” means basically the start or the beginning. NF’s lyrics are basically saying that subtle and harmful things are blind beginnings. I’m not going to try and guess his purpose behind his choice of words, but on a personal level, this sounds a lot like how many things that seem good or okay at first, that look promising are often a letdown and even dangerous.

“What’s reality with all these questions?/Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in)/” Every part of this chorus brings attention to the overall theme of the album and really the NF Real Music movement. The idea of not being able to really settle in and be confident, almost like running in water. You are moving, you just can’t tell what direction.

“Broken legs but/I chase perfection/These walls are my blank expression/” The idea of broken legs yet running (chasing) perfection is an emotion I have dealt with for years. That feeling of not being enough for yourself. Totally and utterly exhausted and in pain. This is a running idea throughout NF’s work. Although stated differently, it’s a beautiful representation of the exhaustion that comes with trying to be as perfect as possible or trying to keep a perfect GPA, etc. While I’m not sure if this is a proper idiom, “These walls are my blank expression” is something I can relate to. My mom would often refer to a blank expression (one of disinterest or lack of emotion) as a wall coming up. This isn’t unpopular, but the way that NF uses this and many other words play in his music, creates this feeling of understanding. Fleurie sings these lines with a lighter more breathy voice than she started out with. Every word sounding slightly more pained and emotional than the last.

My mind is a home I’m trapped in/And it’s lonely inside this mansion” This last line in the chorus is one of the most pointed lyrics in NF’s early work. Not only does this capture the theme he carries into his next few albums it continues the “wordplay” and idioms, almost playing down the weight of these lines, if you aren’t listening carefully.  NF is essentially telling his listeners that we aren’t dealing with things we can physically touch or see with our eyes in this song. He also gives us the emotion “lonely” as a set up for this song, and overall album.

The amazing thing is, we haven’t even gotten into the meat of NF’s song here. All this is sung by Fleurie, with the lightest tone, and just this beautiful airy voice that holds the attention of the listener. Her voice here always sounding like it’s on the verge of breaking. The light breathy-ness of the chorus lends it’s self well to the overall tone of the song and once again the album as a whole.

Diving into the first chunk of lyrics sung by NF you can hear the emotion building in the piano in the background. It’s a very simple chord progression, but the way it is played makes all the difference. In the beginning, when Fleurie is singing, it’s very simple plain chords. As NF starts to rap the chords are broken down and played in both the treble clef and the bass clef. If you listen very closely you may even be able to hear the synthesized piano in the back ground. While still simple compared to his later works, this allows the listener to gain 2 things. 1) It allows the listener to really hear the lyrics. By staying softer and in the back the listener is able to fully hear every word said at this point. 2) By keeping the music simple it also allows the listener to feel the full emotions. The piano is one of the most emotional instruments because of the amount of control the pianist has over it. A pianist can create loud firm sounds by applying more touch-weight (pressure to the keys). Or a pianist can create a soft, mysterious, dreamy, elegant sound by playing softer (lighter touch-weight). The lyrics, however, make up for any “lack” of complexity of the instrumentals.

“Yo, my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics/they’re all over the place/There’s songs in the mirrors written all over the floors/all over the chairs” Quickly referencing his mind being a house, NF immediately talks about how the walls the mirrors, the floors even the chairs are covered in lyrics. The idea that lyrics cover everything gives us an idea of how much music means to NF. 

“And you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs/That’s where I write when I’m in a bad place and need to release/And let out the version of NF you don’t want to see” Again we see that writing is very important to NF. He talks about going downstairs in his mind, and I can only assume that is a figure of speech for the basement as a reference in a later song says, but he also admits that is where he writes the most. The idea of the mind being a house with different levels isn’t something new to music or even an everyday idiom, but the way NF handles it creates this new feeling around the common idea. 

In one of NF’s later songs, he talks about how he was dealing with the basement of his mind for so long. This first line here “you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs” may be the song/line he was referencing. I love this idea, however, as when you think about the mind it is so complex. There are a million things that go into a house that we don’t even think about – just like the mind. NF takes a common idea, being trapped in your mind, and makes it not only a bit creepy but also extremely relatable, and almost gives it this peace. The basement has always been a symbol of this creepy darkness and I think that emotional feeling is what drives this song 

The underlying starlight synth begins to play during the beginning of “That’s where I write when I’m in a bad place and need to release” This syncopated synth is played several octives higher than the piano accompaniment and so soft that if you aren’t listening for it, you might miss it completely. In fact it blends into the background, adding to the feel of the song, while still be relatively “invisible.”

“I put holes in the walls with both of my fists ’til they bleed/You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me” The passion behind the lyrics in this song are evident. Each word was chosen very deliberately to express the exact emotion NF wants it to. He is a true master of words. In this fact, his listeners get a glimpse of not only the anger, but the fear, the pain, and the saving grace of God in his lyrics. Musically, the simplicity only adds to the weight of the words being spoken. 

 “Physically abused, now that’s the room that I don’t want to be in/That picture ain’t blurry at all, I just don’t want to see it/And these walls ain’t blank, I just think I don’t want to see ’em/But why not? I’m in here, so I might as well read ’em” Vocally, Nate is very talented. He is in full control of his voice and how much he puts into his rapping. It has stayed at a pretty level pace/volume/emotional level up to this point. Here we hear him start getting a little more “aggressive” with his tone. The music also begins to build, as Nate brings in what I will assume are violins (strings instruments). Once again they are kept in the back of the piano, adding to the weight, but not taking away from the lyrics. Nate is also very pointed with his lyrics in these lines. Addressing the fact that there are “walls” in his mind that he doesn’t want to remember. While not all of his fans can relate to being physically abused, many can relate to having parts of their life they would rather not “re-read.” As it would bring back a lot of pain and suffering. The next line says “why not? I’m in here so I might as well read ’em.” While I won’t assume Nate’s intent for these lines, on a personal level this is kind of an example of not wanting to face the battles in life, but also being stuck with them. You can be miserable and ignore it or be miserable and face it. Although facing it might bring about some healing at some point. 

“I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around/Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground/Matter of fact I think I’ma burn this room right now/So now this memory for some reason just won’t come down,” I think that it is very interesting that NF refers to memories as rooms. Of course, this fits with the idea of a mansion, but its also something I haven’t seen related as such before. The last line here is very pointed that he can’t get the room/memory to go away. It’s there and there is nothing he can do about it. That is an extremely hard blow to face, and I imagine a major reason for the swelling emotion in not only his vocals but in the music as well. As he becomes more passionate the percussion grows, first coming in at the beginning of these lines. While it is nowhere near a cinematic feel that some of his later songs hold, the music builds into a grand piece dripping with the emotions of these lines. 

“You used to put me in the corner, so you could see the fear in my eyes/Then took me downstairs and beat me ’til I screamed and I cried/Congratulations, you’ll always have a room in my mind/ But I’ma keep the door shut and lock the lyrics inside” Musically the score is growing. It now has what I believe to be either a sythn of an electric guitar very subtly in the background over certain areas. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly where it comes in, as it echos so quietly in the background. It blends well with Nate’s voice until the echos start to fade into the synth’s riff. As these lines come to an end most of the music fades out. Leaving a staccato star synth left to echo into the chorus. Lyrically, I can’t even imagine the pain and strength it would take to write some of these lyrics. While there is some debate in the NF fanbase that these lines are metaphorical, no matter how you look at them, its a blow to the chest. Even for someone like myself who has never dealt with the fear of physical abuse, I feel the tension and raw vulnerability in these lines. Nathan has said he had a rough childhood and mentioned some things about the abuse in interviews. The last line is what I would consider a metaphor for bottling emotions up and “ignoring” them as much as possible. 

At this point, Fleurie repeats the chorus. Nothing has really changed. This break in the song almost feels like a resting point for the listeners. just allowing a moment to gather their attention again. Even the music is reduced to a simple piano accompaniment again. 

“Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in pain/See, my problem is I don’t fix things, I just try to repaint/Cover em up, like it never happened” Musically, we jump right back into a loud drum, piano, and synth. It’s not wasting any time in reminding us about the deep emotions invested here. Here, NF is just being honest. It is easier to just cover things up, pretend, and move on. It’s a problem. It doesn’t fix it. This is raw. There’s not much to add, as these lines are super straight forward and to the point. I just wanted to point out how honest he was being.  

“Say I wish I could change, are you confused?/Come upstairs and I’ll show you what I mean/This room’s full of regrets, just keeps getting fuller it seems/The moment I walk into it is the same moment that I wanna leave” Moving from “downstairs” to upstairs we see a new “memory” or room. Continuing with his raw honest look on this song, NF is pointed to say he would rather leave this memory than stay in it. Clearly, it is a very painful thing to be reminded of. Regrets, often revolve around something we wish would have been done differently. Leading into the next few lines.

“I get sick to my stomach every time I look at these things/But it’s hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep/I look around, one of the worst things I wrote on these walls” Still talking about the room we have just entered, filled with regrets, he identifies this as his “bedroom” in a sense. Meaning, he probably spends quite a bit of time in this part of his mind. It can be hard to deal with these emotions, and NF really nails that feeling of guilt and dread. At the end of these lines, we hear a Fleurie singing in a sweet tone, what could be described as either humming or “ooooos” coming in, giving just a hint of an unsettling feeling. 

“Was the moment I realized that I was losing my mom/And one of the first things I wrote was I wish I would have called/But I should just stop now, we ain’t got enough room in this song” Again, I couldn’t image the pain NF went through when his mom died. The last line here I think hits deepest for me. Saying that there wasn’t enough room in the song, it really shows how much pain and emotion is behind his lyrics. Nate goes on to write a fully dedicated to this in his later album (How Could You Leave Us), but for now, he leaves it with the previous lines. 

“And I regret the fact that I struggled trying to find who I am/And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can”  These lines are some of the most relatable to many of the NF fanbase. I think that this is a very real emotion for many teenagers and of course people struggling with anxiety, depression, OCD, ASD, and many more sicknesses. I like the fact that NF mentions “lying” to himself as this is something we all do, no matter who we are. 

“Shrug it off like it ain’t nothing like it’s out of my hands/Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans/And I regret watching these trust issues eat me alive/And at the rate I’m going they’ll probably still be there when I die” These lyrics are so deep, and could honestly have a post of their own! I think that the first line here can be related back to “Cover em up, like it never happened” –  essentially pretending that the pain isn’t there. Pretending that the fake smile isn’t fake. As the next line says though, it affects plans, and people get mad at that. Even then leading into the next line, pretending can lead to a lot of trust issues. I love how Nate breaks his walls down a bit here, admitting he doesn’t trust people quickly, or at all. Also admitting that they are hard to get rid of. Up to “I regret watching these trust issues….” The music and Nathan’s rapping has been aggressive. Now the music takes a new turn, breaking down to just piano and Fleurie. 

“Congratulations, you’ll always have a room in my mind/The question is, will I ever clean the walls off in time?” Once again commenting that people or emotions (or whatever Nate was feeling at the moment of writing this) will be there forever. Asking himself if he will ever work on moving forward from that place and that pain. 

Once again the chorus plays. Allowing a moment to process the weight of the last verse. Moving into the last part of the song, we get a lot of emotion. Once again a simple piano accompaniment is present. This time, breaking down the chords as when NF began rapping the first time in this song. 

The next set of lyrics are probably my favorite. I can relate to them quite a bit, and I love the way NF puts his thoughts. As I have said, he is a master of words. My one issue with these next lyrics is this; I’m not sure I can really break them down and analyze them because he says it all. His words are so pointed, deep, and hard (if not impossible) to improve.